At the show tonight I took a closer look at a friend's cellphone and noticed that it probably qualifies for membership in AARP.
Then the jokes started flowing until we were crying.
Hidden under the battery is an original Dead Sea Scroll.
The blueprints were discovered in the Great Pyramid.
It's processing chip only has 1 pin.
The State Phone Of Arkansas.
Solid state? No. Tubes.
Has both dowsing and witch identification apps.
The LCD screen is backlit with crushed-up fireflies.
Only cellphone that's succeptible to damage by termites.
The camera takes pictures that are 20x20 pixels.
This phone is so old, it still owns 3 slaves.
A paperwork thing.
Capable of sending text messages containing an amazing 5 characters.
Endorsed by Methuselah.
It's capacitors are made by silkworms.
The only game on it is Tic-Tac-Toe.
Default wallpaper was actually taken at The Last Supper.
The only phone allowed by the Amish.
The ringer uses an actual bell.
On a party line--if it rings 3 times the call is for the farm down the road a ways.
You roam on a horse.
The OS wishes it was Windows Vista.
Still recieving signals from Sputnik.
Texting is done in Morse Code.
The previous model's speakerphone resembled a Victrola.
Lincoln wrote the 1st draft of the Gettysburg address on the notepad function.
Free accessories include a saddle scabbard, compass, magnifying glass and steamer trunk.
Grandma can work it just fine.
Calendar only goes up to 1975.
The only people who can accurately explain your billing plan are the Knights Templar.
ALL custom ringtones feature banjo.
9 Monty Python sketches had this phone somewhere in the background.
Repair shop is at the blacksmith's.
Battery life is measured with a sun-dial.
The only "Bling" available was a 20 ton cat statue.
Updates come via Pony Express.
The "leather" case was discontinued when the dodo bird went extinct.
Travis tried to call for reinforcements at the Alamo, but couldn't get any bars.
Original calling plan was 40 pieces of eight for 17 minutes.
Text message notification is via smoke signal.
Speech-to-text function only recognizes Aramaic.
And yet it still doesn't drop calls as often as the iPhone.
We've forgotten at least a dozen more.
Feel free to add yours in the comments.